#3 of the Top 10 Worst Relationship Mistakes series: When your communication lacks meaning.

Jane and Mark are great communicators.

Their lifestyle is organised, structured and fun for their four children all under 14 years old. Despite Mark working full time and Jane part-time, all children enjoy at least two activities outside school hours each week. One child has special needs and attends additional therapies. Despite this, their lifestyle ticks along extremely well. Jane and Mark have rarely argued throughout their 16-year marriage.

Why then, were they in my counselling room?

Gorgeous and articulate Jane described her painful feelings of disconnection and loneliness. Mark bravely recounted his continual disappointed with the lack of intimacy in the bedroom. Together, we unveiled that their communication was lacking depth and intimacy.

The team at Focus on the Family recently alerted me to the very apt term, “In-too-me-see” by Erwin Raphael McManus.

We long to be truly “seen”. Real intimacy makes us feel alive. We love being talked to, not at. We flourish when spoken to in a respectful, kind and caring tone - even when we disagree. It is such a gift when our partner takes the time to ask questions for clarification to help us truly understand ourselves and ask for what we need.
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Meaningful communication also includes being courageously vulnerable to push beyond past hurts to reveal what is really going on? 

Do you allow your partner in?
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I collaborated with Jane and Mark who:

• Became timely with their communication to be honest with their feelings of frustration, sadness, or desires.

• Intentionally set aside 15 minutes per day (each and every day) without interruptions.

• Established stricter boundaries to avoid prioritising the children over their own couple needs.

​They found excitement and passion to be doing life not just alongside each other but entwined! They now take the time to peer into the depths of each other’s soul to really see each other there.
 
Celebrate Marriage Week with me on Saturday 18 September at a free webinar discussing, “Intimacy is not just physical” with Kate and Brett Ryan of Focus on the Family.

​Secure your spot HERE.


Joanne Wilson is the Relationship Rejuvenator and author of Renovate Your Relationship – All The DIY Tools For Your Most Important Project ($29.99). She is a neuropsychotherapist inspiring the community for thriving and dynamic relationships that impact generations for mental well-being. Find out more on her online courses at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com