If you have flaws, you need to know this...

Conscience-stricken? Ashamed of your flaws? Do you go to gigantic lengths to hide decisions you’re guilt-ridden of from your partner? Have you made financial mistakes you have avoided sharing with your spouse, friends or family at all costs?
 
Did you know that one major feature of lonely relationships is the inability to share your faults and your fears?
 
We all arrive into our relationships flawed!  Our past experiences shape us. Our own choices that we thought were a good idea at the time also make up you today. Even our unique appearance is a gift!
 
The best we all can do is continually work on being the best versions of ourselves today. However, despite these great efforts – we are still flawed humans.
 
As you navigate life together with your partner, all the challenges of life such as career disappointments, traumatic events and the horrible cutting things that people say - stick!  How about self-criticism of your looks, the ruminations of your failed attempts and your “I can’t…” self-talk as a result.

If we don't summons discipline for a controlled thought life through focussing on our miraculous unique design and nurturing ourselves with healthy self-talk we fall captive to past hurts.
 
You can create new neural pathways toward appreciating your goodness despite your unique flaws.  Your partner chose you and your package of fears, lacks and weird nuances. Many couples present to counselling so scared to reveal to each other what they're greatest fear is, concerns over something in the future and even what is bothering them today.
 
They become lonely.
 
Why is this? The reason is, is that we often are ashamed of our choices, scared of the response and of the big one:
 
Rejection.
 
However, the greatest gift of an intimate partnership is enjoying each other for everything that you are, despite your imperfections.
 
Men stereotypically will avoid revealing poor financial choices. Women will hide money to pay for cosmetic enhancements and beauty products.  Did you know omitting information counts as deceitful?
 
I encourage you this weekend to dig deep and be honest with yourself and your partner.
 
Are you hiding anything?
 
Are you incredibly worried about something you feel embarrassed to share?
 
Can you take the risk to share a fear you’ve been hiding for sometime?

Why not encourage your partner to avoid responding at first. Let them know how difficult it is to summons the bravery to share with openness. Request they ask genuine questions about your topic of concern.
 
When you can fully embrace life together, you can be a truly united force – far better than what you’d achieve doing life alone.
 
Enjoy the freedom from relieving the burden of carrying life’s loads and your anxieties all by yourself. You were designed relationally to lean on each other, particularly your partner. They will likely love you more for your honesty and vulnerability.
 
Be surprised how good it feels to unleash the real you within!
 
Don’t forget to diarise my Facebook Lives each Therapeutic Thursday morning for Thriving Relationships to inject some relational inspirations into your weekend!
 
Joanne Wilson is the Relationship Rejuvenator and author of Renovate Your Relationship – All The DIY Tools For Your Most Important Project ($29.99). She is a neuropsychotherapist inspiring the community for thriving and dynamic relationships that impact generations for mental well-being. Find out more at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com ​