Who's your Number 1 Fan?

“Is your partner your Number One Fan?” 
 
Is your intimate partner your go-to person?
 
Are you there for them?
 
Are they the person that you go to first when you hear exciting news or when troubled?
 
When trying to navigate this crazy life, it’s nice to know someone has got your back, cheering you on, celebrating your wins and supporting you through the tough months.

In relationship counselling, there are key questions that indicate if you will feel emotionally safe. For example, I would ask Jill and Jack in a counselling session, “Let’s just check in on a couple of key questions and contemplate if you could you each give the affirmative to, “Am I there for you? Can I count on you? Will you be there when I call? Do you need me? Do you love me?”.
 
Interestingly, we want those same questions answered when we were a child. Emotional safety is fostered when our primary caregivers consistently provide assurance, safety and love as we navigate rejection, loss and enjoy milestones through our formative years.
 
As we grow and find ourselves in an intimate partnership, we want the same certainty and trust as an adult from our main go-to person. It makes sense if you’re unsure, “Is my partner there for me?” or Can I count them”, it can have you feeling unsafe.
 
When we’re feeling emotionally unsafe, we have a lower window of tolerance. This means we have less resilience to approach the world with confidence achieving the best that we can as the best versions of ourselves.
 
Adult love is not perfect! You and your partner will inadvertently let each other down at some stage. You will however,  fare much better when you’ve got those key questions answered in the positive sense.
 
How do you get emotional safety in your relationship? Ask for it!

• Contemplate what level of safety are you currently providing for your partner?

• How do you indicate you are each other’s "Number One Fan"?

• Which of those emotional safety questions are you unsure about?

• Can you communicate about times when you have been disappointed by your partner and felt they weren’t there for you?

• Can you express how this felt? Would they be receptive to hearing it without becoming defensive?

• Can you choose to forgive each other?

 
If you’re questioning how well you support your partner, why not ask them? Your weekend challenge is to appropriately compliment your partner either alone or proudly in front of people? Think about what they’re great at or thank them for something they’ve done for you.
 
Set the example in your relationship and champion the change! How can you set the stage with metaphoric streamers and banners to be your partner’s "Number One Fan". ​

Joanne Wilson is the Relationship Rejuvenator and author of Renovate Your Relationship – All The DIY Tools For Your Most Important Project ($29.99). She is a neuropsychotherapist inspiring the community for thriving and dynamic relationships that impact generations for mental well-being. Find out more at www.relationshiprejuvenator.com